These things happen

Today while doing homework I got a text message out of the blue from an old friend. One who I happened to meet through and ex boyfriend. We aren't close by any means but we definitely have a mutual respect for one another and kind of share a type of closeness on some level.

We started talking about my ex, JAL, and how he will be having a baby soon. How crazy it was that he ended up with the girl he ended up with and how our lives are all so different. I was joking with her about my dating life and the magical 3's that I have encountered who all now having babies or had babies with other women. "I'm over here dodging bullets!" We laughed about it and continued our conversation. She then said to me that her husband, to this day, still says that I am the best girl JAL has ever been with and that we should have stayed together. Which was funny to me because that definitely was not the first time I have ever heard that. It made me happy to know that even after all of these years, even though JAL and I are no longer together...I have still managed to maintain some type of relationship with the people he has introduced me to, as well as keeping a very cordial relationship with him as well. It has made my Monday. I'm happy she messaged me. :)

Last Thursday, I planned to make a trip to San Antonio to attend a friend's 10 year ceremony that was being held for her. She has been working at the same hospital since she graduated from nursing school. This was a big deal and I didn't want to miss it. Unfortunately, I ended up getting sick the night before and to top that off my back was the worse it has been in a long time. I'm not sure if it was worse because I was sick or ? It was just unbearable. I planned to leave to SA the Wednesday night before, and early on the in day I was having pain. I planned to just relax and get my trigger point therapy in and was just hoping for the best. When my pain level is that high it gets hard for me to even sit down let alone drive. As the day went on, my pain level kept rising. By 9-10p I realized that I would not be driving to SA. I then sent her a text msg that I would make the drive in the morning. Usually when I have bad days like that, my pain subsides somewhat the next day. This time around it didn't. I woke up early and packed my car. I sat down on the couch for a while...I was not feeling well. I then sent her a message to tell her that I would not be able to make it and I felt horrible for not going. I was planning for nearly two weeks to make this trip, it just didn't work out in my favor.

The weekend following that Thursday also happened to be another close friend's birthday. Sadly, by the weekend I still wasn't feeling my best. As you would guess, I didn't make it to San Antonio yet again. Days like this really make me so insecure about my pain. I hate feeling like I am letting people down and for the longest time I would just cry about it and feel sorry for myself. I have now just deemed that shit will just be this way for a while. I am not going to stress myself out even more..If these people are my friends and love me they won't hold it against me. This is legitimate. I just don't feel well, if I feel well enough..then hell yes I would travel to the end of the earth to be there for them. If not, then it is with good reason. My friends will understand that I would give anything to be there. Not make me feel guilty. Making me feel guilty just makes me feel even worse, I'm already beating myself up about not being there as much as I would like. In fact, I shouldn't feel guilty. My intentions are always good. Shit happens.